Husband has had addiction issues with cocaine since lock down and as you will know it has been the most painful journey that has almost broken me.
We have 2 children, I’ve learnt a lot and know all the signs, lies and manipulation.
I finally asked him to leave after detaching from him emotionally and after he broke the boundaries again and again. I was done with the endless cycle, toxic behaviours, broken promises and false hope. I learnt I could not fix it.
He stayed away for a while, my home became calm and I felt better mentally. He completed a programme. I was not convinced he was fully committed and he lapsed frequently. He came back, against my wishes. I ended the relationship and set clear boundaries.
He seems to think him being back means everything is going to be ok in the end. Takes no responsibility, shows no remorse or conviction to change.
It hasn’t been long and it is clear he’s used this weekend.
Same tell tale signs, behaviours and attitude.
My anxiety came back and now I’m facing another mountain to climb. It’s so exhausting as you know.
I knew nothing has changed which is why I ended it. I knew it wouldn’t last and now I’m here feeling overwhelmed and frustrated.
I know I need to be brave and strong and what I need to do.
I’ve accepted the situation and let go emotionally but I’m so sick of it and feeling trapped again.
I guess I’m just looking for some support, or stories where people have managed to get through this part of the journey with an addict. Selling the house, divorce…Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated right now. Need some fire back in my belly!
Cocaine addiction
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lesleerose
- Posts: 1294
- Joined: Tue May 05, 2020 5:38 pm
Re: Cocaine addiction
Hi cherry hugs and a big welcome to famanon
You know cherry you have come through the hardest part cutting him off emotionally as you know he is not going to change now that required a lot of strength so fantastic lady well done ..
How dare he just walk back into the home with his wife and children … obviously a bully as well …. You’re 100% correct unless you buy him out… if he was any kind of man after what he has done with no remorse or shame “ is pitiful “ he would give you and your children the family home … I went through this with my nearly ex husband who made it a complete nightmare .. what should have been a £50 divorce in 3 months he has dragged it out for over 4 years … cherry what I would say firstly squirrel away as much money assets and money as you can … you catch more bees with honey than vinegar…. Softly softly catchy monkey … when you feel strong enough get to a good lawyer recommendation is always best … now for the best part get in touch with women’s aid they are absolutely amazing they will find you somewhere to live until your divorce comes through and then you will be housed either with your local council or if you have enough with your settlement buy a home …. You are a very brave lady and you have put yourself and your children first you have my upmost respect..
You know cherry I believe in god not sure if you have a belief … but it has given me great comfort I don’t go to church I just say my prayers at night ….
If you could get to some live or zoom meetings you will
Meet lots of people same as yourself
Com’on girl you can do it no one has died … you will be free again I promise you that because it is my experience but as you know it’s a process ..you are no longer accepting the unacceptable..
The power of positive thinking is a very good book
Please stay with us
Bless you in famanon fellowship
Lesleerisd
You know cherry you have come through the hardest part cutting him off emotionally as you know he is not going to change now that required a lot of strength so fantastic lady well done ..
How dare he just walk back into the home with his wife and children … obviously a bully as well …. You’re 100% correct unless you buy him out… if he was any kind of man after what he has done with no remorse or shame “ is pitiful “ he would give you and your children the family home … I went through this with my nearly ex husband who made it a complete nightmare .. what should have been a £50 divorce in 3 months he has dragged it out for over 4 years … cherry what I would say firstly squirrel away as much money assets and money as you can … you catch more bees with honey than vinegar…. Softly softly catchy monkey … when you feel strong enough get to a good lawyer recommendation is always best … now for the best part get in touch with women’s aid they are absolutely amazing they will find you somewhere to live until your divorce comes through and then you will be housed either with your local council or if you have enough with your settlement buy a home …. You are a very brave lady and you have put yourself and your children first you have my upmost respect..
You know cherry I believe in god not sure if you have a belief … but it has given me great comfort I don’t go to church I just say my prayers at night ….
If you could get to some live or zoom meetings you will
Meet lots of people same as yourself
Com’on girl you can do it no one has died … you will be free again I promise you that because it is my experience but as you know it’s a process ..you are no longer accepting the unacceptable..
The power of positive thinking is a very good book
Please stay with us
Bless you in famanon fellowship
Lesleerisd
Re: Cocaine addiction
Just get going on whatever it is you have to do, Cherry, to free yourself from this man. Nothing is going to change, and you know very well, because you have said so, that your life is going to be hell unless you get free.
The legal advice is out there for you, and easily available, but much more importantly, or perhaps I ought to day equally importantly, is the support which you will get on this forum. Stay with us on here, as you go through this, never worry about what you post, as we take all comers, and you will, one day, see that you've rescued your life. P.
The legal advice is out there for you, and easily available, but much more importantly, or perhaps I ought to day equally importantly, is the support which you will get on this forum. Stay with us on here, as you go through this, never worry about what you post, as we take all comers, and you will, one day, see that you've rescued your life. P.
Re: Cocaine addiction
Thank you both, so much. I needed some support from someone who knows… and it means a lot you replied.
My husband was the love of my life, we have been together 23 years. Ive grieved and tried to move forward and was making good progress.
It’s really knocked me again but I am trying to keep focused.
He is more a needy child than a bully, but coming back to the house has allowed me to cut off from him. It’s all about him, it always was. I see it now.
His addiction has completely changed him.
I don’t feel the way I did about him and that’s taken me years to process and let go.
I just feel sick knowing I’ve got another battle to fight.
I know it will be worth it but I hate how his addiction has the power to knock me down again. It’s really triggered me and sent me into an emotional spiral.
Having my children to consider in everything makes it so much harder but I know what I’ve got to do for me and for them.
Your words, kindness and support really made a difference today.
I am sorry for everyone of us on this forum. People have no idea of what it’s like unless they have sadly experienced it.
Right now I feel a mixture of emotions and annoyed it’s affected me so much.
I’m tired today but I will keep going!
Thank you x
My husband was the love of my life, we have been together 23 years. Ive grieved and tried to move forward and was making good progress.
It’s really knocked me again but I am trying to keep focused.
He is more a needy child than a bully, but coming back to the house has allowed me to cut off from him. It’s all about him, it always was. I see it now.
His addiction has completely changed him.
I don’t feel the way I did about him and that’s taken me years to process and let go.
I just feel sick knowing I’ve got another battle to fight.
I know it will be worth it but I hate how his addiction has the power to knock me down again. It’s really triggered me and sent me into an emotional spiral.
Having my children to consider in everything makes it so much harder but I know what I’ve got to do for me and for them.
Your words, kindness and support really made a difference today.
I am sorry for everyone of us on this forum. People have no idea of what it’s like unless they have sadly experienced it.
Right now I feel a mixture of emotions and annoyed it’s affected me so much.
I’m tired today but I will keep going!
Thank you x
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lesleerose
- Posts: 1294
- Joined: Tue May 05, 2020 5:38 pm
Re: Cocaine addiction
He is what we call king baby and baby doesn’t always get what he wants …. There is no more battle as you have accepted that you can’t change him yes it’s sad … I left my home in Spain with my own pool car living the dream and it came crashing down in less than 24 hours I came home ( thank god I kept my flat ) he hasn’t given me a penny since July 2019 I came home alone left everything I squirrelled a bit away .. when I got back I was living on £250 a month I had to go to the welfare but I got through it … I also got cancer chemotherapy for quite a while it was brutal … when the nurses were so kind to me I cried someone cared … then I found famanon which I had been to many years ago because of my addict daughter … please believe me I was married for 11 years … The people on this forum have kept me alive they have lifted me when I thought I couldn’t go on am not being dramatic it’s all true and now I have a wonderful beautiful sponsor on here and the connection is unshakeable… i am 65 now and I am glad I escaped you see cherry I had to get rid of the wishbone and get a backbone … now I have that freedom you spoke of please try and get to some meetings either fam anon oral anon beautiful things happen in these fellowships
Have you looked up ambiguous grief I learned that on here
Please stay with us you are no longer alone
Lesleerose
Have you looked up ambiguous grief I learned that on here
Please stay with us you are no longer alone
Lesleerose
Re: Cocaine addiction
Thank you for sharing your experience and advice. I’m sorry you’ve gone through so much. It’s clear this forum has been a lifeline to you and so many people.
I’m so glad I’ve found the forum and posted.
I know I’ve come far after the worst time, the wishbone has definitely snapped in two. Hope is gone for that part of my life.
I have been so strong but had a wobble and felt suffocated again. It’s unreal how quickly his behaviours have returned and proves what I already knew, he isn’t ready or able to change.
King baby is definitely relatable. He is a master manipulator, self centred and not capable of taking control of his life or putting any one else before himself.
I will take a look at some of the things you have both posted and refocus/recharge.
I need to get myself out of this situation before it starts to undo everything I’ve worked towards.
It has been refreshing to message with people who just get it, who have survived it x
I will keep working my strength back up now to face this next mountain.
Thank you so much for your advice and kind words.
I’m so glad I’ve found the forum and posted.
I know I’ve come far after the worst time, the wishbone has definitely snapped in two. Hope is gone for that part of my life.
I have been so strong but had a wobble and felt suffocated again. It’s unreal how quickly his behaviours have returned and proves what I already knew, he isn’t ready or able to change.
King baby is definitely relatable. He is a master manipulator, self centred and not capable of taking control of his life or putting any one else before himself.
I will take a look at some of the things you have both posted and refocus/recharge.
I need to get myself out of this situation before it starts to undo everything I’ve worked towards.
It has been refreshing to message with people who just get it, who have survived it x
I will keep working my strength back up now to face this next mountain.
Thank you so much for your advice and kind words.