My son for past month has started up again to his old tricks. Liar, manipulator, words can no describe how he's become but I know from this forum its the same old story when they've an addiction problem regardless of what the addiction is.
I've blocked his number. He calls from unknown numbers instead. Police have had him on caution since December, was OK in Jan but then slowly started knocking again. I can't change my mobile as it's my business number and will cause me untold issues.
About 10 days ago, he caught me off my guard, got into my car, demanded I went cash point and got £20 for him and in front of me, I witnessed him go up to a drug dealer in the street in broad daylight. I was horrified, Frightened, threw £20 at him as had no choice, and drove off terrified.
Since then 4 times I've had police to my house when he comes knocking in last week alone. Refuse point blank to let him in house. I've signed police statements stating I will go to court to stop this abuse even. So, why when I keep calling them, have they not arrested him for harassing me at my own house. I am starting to feel like a prisoner in my home. Go out, looking over my shoulder just in case he's lurking near the house. I am so thinking of moving just to get away from him but what if he finds my new address. I'm working, still got 5 years to retirement, so quite limited to how far I can truly move.
He doesn't take NO for an answer is the big problem. As much as he admits he's in trouble with police, he still carries on. Everything caught on cameras - police have all footage, he knows he's being recorded each time he turns up but just does not seem to care.
Where do I go from here?
Exhausted
-
lesleerose
- Posts: 1294
- Joined: Tue May 05, 2020 5:38 pm
Re: Exhausted
Dear exhausted
This is stalking and being held to ransom I am appalled the police have not arrested him .
I totally get your fear it is horrendous
Why should you have to live in fear …
I don’t give advice on something I haven’t been through but I know people who have ..
Call women’s aid you need support and know your rights I believe they have lawyers which can help on the legalities of your situation…
I really hope this helps women’s aid are a fabulous organisation..
Please let us know how you get on … I come on here because of my addict daughter she is very secretive and I haven’t heard from her or seen her for some time
Best wishes here on famanon
Lesleerose
This is stalking and being held to ransom I am appalled the police have not arrested him .
I totally get your fear it is horrendous
Why should you have to live in fear …
I don’t give advice on something I haven’t been through but I know people who have ..
Call women’s aid you need support and know your rights I believe they have lawyers which can help on the legalities of your situation…
I really hope this helps women’s aid are a fabulous organisation..
Please let us know how you get on … I come on here because of my addict daughter she is very secretive and I haven’t heard from her or seen her for some time
Best wishes here on famanon
Lesleerose
Re: Exhausted
Dear Exhausted,
I am so very sorry you are being abused, harassed and stalked by your own child. Alongside the heartbreak it must be beyond stressful.
I hope you can call Women’s Aid and muster up the energy to make complaint re lack of police action to protect you.
https://www.policeconduct.gov.uk/compla ... -complaint. It is unacceptable police are not taking this matter seriously.
My love and very best wishes. I hope you get some very much needed support soon
Anaid xxx
I am so very sorry you are being abused, harassed and stalked by your own child. Alongside the heartbreak it must be beyond stressful.
I hope you can call Women’s Aid and muster up the energy to make complaint re lack of police action to protect you.
https://www.policeconduct.gov.uk/compla ... -complaint. It is unacceptable police are not taking this matter seriously.
My love and very best wishes. I hope you get some very much needed support soon
Anaid xxx
-
dramaqueen
- Posts: 403
- Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 2:06 pm
Re: Exhausted
Hi Exhausted
I am so sorry to hear this. It sounds like you are living in extreme circumstances; you must be riding on adrenalin.
Do you have a ring doorbell or any cameras? The cameras are super easy to install - you just have to plug them in and can access footage online. I’m just thinking that this might help you, if you need evidence for court action - or to get the police to take this more seriously.
I agree with LesleeRose that it would also be a good idea to call an organisation like WomensAid or perhaps you can self refer or the police can refer you to local domestic violence services? Often domestic violence services will assign a support worker to you - someone to talk to who can give you helpful advice.
Sending you the biggest hug. These are extreme circumstances and you need support.
DQ
I am so sorry to hear this. It sounds like you are living in extreme circumstances; you must be riding on adrenalin.
Do you have a ring doorbell or any cameras? The cameras are super easy to install - you just have to plug them in and can access footage online. I’m just thinking that this might help you, if you need evidence for court action - or to get the police to take this more seriously.
I agree with LesleeRose that it would also be a good idea to call an organisation like WomensAid or perhaps you can self refer or the police can refer you to local domestic violence services? Often domestic violence services will assign a support worker to you - someone to talk to who can give you helpful advice.
Sending you the biggest hug. These are extreme circumstances and you need support.
DQ
Re: Exhausted
Hi
I am new to the group but totally understand how you feel I have been there too
With regards to the unknown numbers. If you don’t get them from work related calls then I would change your settings so your phone will not accept calls from unknown numbers and your phone will automatically send the calls to voicemail snd you won’t here it ring or anything. I had to do this because of my son x
I found that my phone not ringing helped me somehow and I could just delete the messages without listening. I then got my spare phone and pay as you go son and called my son from it to tell him I had changed my number. He now only has that number and if he starts I just turn it off but it leaves my real phone active.
Not sure if that helps but it did me xx
I also only contact him by with holding my number x
Sending you a virtual hug and strength xx
JayC xx
I am new to the group but totally understand how you feel I have been there too
With regards to the unknown numbers. If you don’t get them from work related calls then I would change your settings so your phone will not accept calls from unknown numbers and your phone will automatically send the calls to voicemail snd you won’t here it ring or anything. I had to do this because of my son x
I found that my phone not ringing helped me somehow and I could just delete the messages without listening. I then got my spare phone and pay as you go son and called my son from it to tell him I had changed my number. He now only has that number and if he starts I just turn it off but it leaves my real phone active.
Not sure if that helps but it did me xx
I also only contact him by with holding my number x
Sending you a virtual hug and strength xx
JayC xx
Re: Exhausted
Exhausted
What a shitshow for you. My son used to constantly turn up at the door, and like you, I didn't open the door, but called the police every single time. Keep doing that!
Are they awsre he jumped into your car and more or less forced you to a cashline to extorte money from you?
It's awful when you are anxious even inside your own home. I can relate. The police had me on a rapid response, should I call. That wasn't the best. I called them once, and it took an hour and a half for them to arrive. Good job I wasnt being throttled!
As others have said, Womens Aid may be able to advise you.
Much Lovr
L x
What a shitshow for you. My son used to constantly turn up at the door, and like you, I didn't open the door, but called the police every single time. Keep doing that!
Are they awsre he jumped into your car and more or less forced you to a cashline to extorte money from you?
It's awful when you are anxious even inside your own home. I can relate. The police had me on a rapid response, should I call. That wasn't the best. I called them once, and it took an hour and a half for them to arrive. Good job I wasnt being throttled!
As others have said, Womens Aid may be able to advise you.
Much Lovr
L x
"You can choose to continually live in the shadow of your addict, allowing his/her chaos and drama to dictate your whole existence, or you can take control of your life."
-
Exhausted!!
- Posts: 21
- Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2023 8:44 am
Re: Exhausted
Dear All
Thank you all for your replies and understanding and sorry I have been off the site since posting earlier in week.
Thankfully I do have a ring door bell that has captured every time he's come to my door and all the evidence the police have now downloaded into my statements. The best money I spent was on this ring door bell, even though costing a fortune in batteries, as proof of the harassment The downside, my heart jumps when it beeps movement, thinking, it is him back?.
I've refused to let him in my door all week, so he continues to shout through letterbox. Sadly, it has cost me financially each time he's come to get him off my door step as so many babies, primary school children on my road that I don't want them seeing or hearing him. Four times police have been here this week and yesterday he didn't report for his police bail.
He's just left my doorstep again today about 45 mins ago, and yet again I sit waiting for the police. In front of him, his eyes blaring through the letter box, I was on phone to the police reporting. They will be here in an hour!!! Reality, maybe tomorrow morning. I do wonder, due to his mental health, is why he hasn't been arrested yet. At the same time, if something isn't done, someone gets hurt, will "lessons be learnt?".
I can't block unknown numbers due to hospital calling: many work contacts: but thankfully, he's had no access to a phone all week and it has been bliss!
Wishing everyone a safe weekend, faith to change the things we can and strength to deal with the challenges in our lives.
xxxxx
Thank you all for your replies and understanding and sorry I have been off the site since posting earlier in week.
Thankfully I do have a ring door bell that has captured every time he's come to my door and all the evidence the police have now downloaded into my statements. The best money I spent was on this ring door bell, even though costing a fortune in batteries, as proof of the harassment The downside, my heart jumps when it beeps movement, thinking, it is him back?.
I've refused to let him in my door all week, so he continues to shout through letterbox. Sadly, it has cost me financially each time he's come to get him off my door step as so many babies, primary school children on my road that I don't want them seeing or hearing him. Four times police have been here this week and yesterday he didn't report for his police bail.
He's just left my doorstep again today about 45 mins ago, and yet again I sit waiting for the police. In front of him, his eyes blaring through the letter box, I was on phone to the police reporting. They will be here in an hour!!! Reality, maybe tomorrow morning. I do wonder, due to his mental health, is why he hasn't been arrested yet. At the same time, if something isn't done, someone gets hurt, will "lessons be learnt?".
I can't block unknown numbers due to hospital calling: many work contacts: but thankfully, he's had no access to a phone all week and it has been bliss!
Wishing everyone a safe weekend, faith to change the things we can and strength to deal with the challenges in our lives.
xxxxx
Re: Exhausted
Hi Exhausted
Can you not charge your ring door bell? We charge ours during the night, but the charge lasts for ages.
I agree, the best thing ever - we don't need to open the door to see who is there. We got one after I was on my knees one night (daft o'clock time) looking out the catflap as I thought my son was in the garden. He'd threatened to have people come to the house,take me away chop me into pieces and burn me. What a very sick mind!
He turned up at my door on Mother's Day, totally out of it, huge swollen black eye looking for money to get home. His parting words were that he was going to jump off a flyover and to arrange his funeral.
Stand your ground Exhausted.
Much Love
L x
Can you not charge your ring door bell? We charge ours during the night, but the charge lasts for ages.
I agree, the best thing ever - we don't need to open the door to see who is there. We got one after I was on my knees one night (daft o'clock time) looking out the catflap as I thought my son was in the garden. He'd threatened to have people come to the house,take me away chop me into pieces and burn me. What a very sick mind!
He turned up at my door on Mother's Day, totally out of it, huge swollen black eye looking for money to get home. His parting words were that he was going to jump off a flyover and to arrange his funeral.
Stand your ground Exhausted.
Much Love
L x
"You can choose to continually live in the shadow of your addict, allowing his/her chaos and drama to dictate your whole existence, or you can take control of your life."
-
dramaqueen
- Posts: 403
- Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 2:06 pm
Re: Exhausted
Exhausted,
You are on the frontline at the moment. Most people don’t have to live through a horror like this but you sound strong.
As Winston Churchill said “if you’re going through hell, keep going”. Friends said that to me when I was going through my own “blue lights and sirens” times.
It’s drama and chaos of the highest order and takes its toll but you are doing very well to stand your ground.
Keep coming back on here - we all understand what this feels like and are living proof that you can get through it.
Hugs
DQ
You are on the frontline at the moment. Most people don’t have to live through a horror like this but you sound strong.
As Winston Churchill said “if you’re going through hell, keep going”. Friends said that to me when I was going through my own “blue lights and sirens” times.
It’s drama and chaos of the highest order and takes its toll but you are doing very well to stand your ground.
Keep coming back on here - we all understand what this feels like and are living proof that you can get through it.
Hugs
DQ
-
dramaqueen
- Posts: 403
- Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2019 2:06 pm
Re: Exhausted
LM what you have been through is a true horror story, including the Mothers Day visit. The extremity of it is turning you into a poster child of resilience.LM66 wrote: ↑Sat Mar 16, 2024 6:21 pm Hi Exhausted
Can you not charge your ring door bell? We charge ours during the night, but the charge lasts for ages.
I agree, the best thing ever - we don't need to open the door to see who is there. We got one after I was on my knees one night (daft o'clock time) looking out the catflap as I thought my son was in the garden. He'd threatened to have people come to the house,take me away chop me into pieces and burn me. What a very sick mind!
He turned up at my door on Mother's Day, totally out of it, huge swollen black eye looking for money to get home. His parting words were that he was going to jump off a flyover and to arrange his funeral.
Stand your ground Exhausted.
Much Love
L x
Big hugs,
DQ
Re: Exhausted
LM is one of the reasons I've survived this. Xxxxxxxx
-
Exhausted!!
- Posts: 21
- Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2023 8:44 am
Re: Exhausted
LM
I wonder if our sons are out there, concocting cruel things to say to us!! Thankfully, so far of course, I've yet to have him say the sick mind thing.
You said: "His parting words were that he was going to jump off a flyover and to arrange his funeral". Hear this and about trains all the time.
The chaos continues but now he's using his diabetes - not taking medication -was back in hosp again, to try and get my attention as I refuse to let him in the front door. I Refused to go hosp to see him, as he put himself there, so that never worked this time round for him. Instead, discharged himself.
Can't say much at moment but I have police heavily involved. Never wanted things to get to this stage but I am in a 50/50 can't win situation as he just won't stop turning up at my house for money. As a single woman living alone, it's unacceptable behaviour. Yesterday I sat and pretended at 2pm I wasn't in. Thankfully it worked and he left after 5 mins. However, why should I, any of us, live in fear in our own homes of them turning up.
Thank you all for your support. Your keeping me strong as I know, I am not alone with this battle of the minds of addicts. xxxxx
I wonder if our sons are out there, concocting cruel things to say to us!! Thankfully, so far of course, I've yet to have him say the sick mind thing.
You said: "His parting words were that he was going to jump off a flyover and to arrange his funeral". Hear this and about trains all the time.
The chaos continues but now he's using his diabetes - not taking medication -was back in hosp again, to try and get my attention as I refuse to let him in the front door. I Refused to go hosp to see him, as he put himself there, so that never worked this time round for him. Instead, discharged himself.
Can't say much at moment but I have police heavily involved. Never wanted things to get to this stage but I am in a 50/50 can't win situation as he just won't stop turning up at my house for money. As a single woman living alone, it's unacceptable behaviour. Yesterday I sat and pretended at 2pm I wasn't in. Thankfully it worked and he left after 5 mins. However, why should I, any of us, live in fear in our own homes of them turning up.
Thank you all for your support. Your keeping me strong as I know, I am not alone with this battle of the minds of addicts. xxxxx
Re: Exhausted
Hi
I totally get where you are coming from and had the police to my home to remove my son so many times. When he stole my car and used it so he and his so called friends could commit armed robbery was the final straw that I took out a restraining order so he can no longer come anywhere near my street or house or he will be arrested.
Thus was over 10 years ago and I still have it in place.
Not sure if this is something you could do. I had to ring up and report every time he turned up etc do the police could show a history to the judge xx
I totally get where you are coming from and had the police to my home to remove my son so many times. When he stole my car and used it so he and his so called friends could commit armed robbery was the final straw that I took out a restraining order so he can no longer come anywhere near my street or house or he will be arrested.
Thus was over 10 years ago and I still have it in place.
Not sure if this is something you could do. I had to ring up and report every time he turned up etc do the police could show a history to the judge xx
-
Exhausted!!
- Posts: 21
- Joined: Mon Dec 18, 2023 8:44 am
Re: Exhausted
Dear JC
Yes. I have police involved. This ring door bell, I was mortified getting, has landed up the best thing my family done, as we've all proof on record.
Sadly, as parents, partners their behaviour so volatile, unpredictable, they can fabricate matters we'd never even think of, against us, in this day and age, we must protect ourselves, have proof to cover us. This is the reality, when on top of addiction, they have some form of personality disorder.
As quite as it has been today, he's not turned up since discharging himself from hospital, I am on red alert. For those whose been in the storm, are in the storm, you cant let your guard down. I know he'll take no insulin, refuses I dare say to go pharmacy and collect it, as now maybe, I he's screwed up. It is sad. Seen others post the same. He's no one but me. He walked away from everyone that loved him.
Someone posted here the other week, that so hit a cord with me about God.
A child is a gift from God. We all have our different faiths, Gods, so irrelevant who you consider your God. At end of Day, whatever God you believe in, they loaned to us this child of ours, to raise, install good beliefs, faith. We raised them well. I now pray every day, and Say to God, I did my best, I taught the children you blessed me with well, I raised your children in manner you wanted. Now Lord, I am I hand your child back to your care, guidance, but together God, it's up to them, If they want to join you I respect their choice but with a heavy heart. If its stay here, it's because they want to live.
We all make that choice daily.
xxxxxx
.
Yes. I have police involved. This ring door bell, I was mortified getting, has landed up the best thing my family done, as we've all proof on record.
Sadly, as parents, partners their behaviour so volatile, unpredictable, they can fabricate matters we'd never even think of, against us, in this day and age, we must protect ourselves, have proof to cover us. This is the reality, when on top of addiction, they have some form of personality disorder.
As quite as it has been today, he's not turned up since discharging himself from hospital, I am on red alert. For those whose been in the storm, are in the storm, you cant let your guard down. I know he'll take no insulin, refuses I dare say to go pharmacy and collect it, as now maybe, I he's screwed up. It is sad. Seen others post the same. He's no one but me. He walked away from everyone that loved him.
Someone posted here the other week, that so hit a cord with me about God.
A child is a gift from God. We all have our different faiths, Gods, so irrelevant who you consider your God. At end of Day, whatever God you believe in, they loaned to us this child of ours, to raise, install good beliefs, faith. We raised them well. I now pray every day, and Say to God, I did my best, I taught the children you blessed me with well, I raised your children in manner you wanted. Now Lord, I am I hand your child back to your care, guidance, but together God, it's up to them, If they want to join you I respect their choice but with a heavy heart. If its stay here, it's because they want to live.
We all make that choice daily.
xxxxxx
.
-
lesleerose
- Posts: 1294
- Joined: Tue May 05, 2020 5:38 pm
Re: Exhausted
Dearest exhausted
Yes I agree a child is a gift from god and we do our best … my addict daughter at 40 is no longer a child but an adult who entered the seedy world of drugs in her early teens … and like all of us on here it has been hell on earth trying to save them but we cannot ….only they can do that …I do believe addiction to be an illness centred in the mind …… someone on here once said their child had an imposter inside them because it was no longer their child … I understand that … I am in recovery myself 25 years now and for a very long time blamed myself until I found fam-anon I am a member of Alcoholics Anonymous…. So I know both sides as for drug addiction heroin etc there for the grace of god go I …
I know longer blame anyone for my or my daughters addiction and the relentless horror it has brought into my life …
Addiction ripped the little family I had apart so at 65 I sit alone but I am at peace … the people on here are the salt of the earth many times they have lifted me …when I didn’t want to be in this world anymore the emotional pain is excruciating I wandered the streets at night crying in the rain for 4 months … but you know I got through that insidious time and I am stronger … I have had so many godincedese’s I know I am not alone … I have come to realise that I am responsible for my own actions no one else’s … as my gran used to say everyone has a cross to bare and this is mine …
I will continue on the road to happy destiny and keep my side of the street clean it’s not our fault…
Bless you in famanon fellowship
Lesleerose
Yes I agree a child is a gift from god and we do our best … my addict daughter at 40 is no longer a child but an adult who entered the seedy world of drugs in her early teens … and like all of us on here it has been hell on earth trying to save them but we cannot ….only they can do that …I do believe addiction to be an illness centred in the mind …… someone on here once said their child had an imposter inside them because it was no longer their child … I understand that … I am in recovery myself 25 years now and for a very long time blamed myself until I found fam-anon I am a member of Alcoholics Anonymous…. So I know both sides as for drug addiction heroin etc there for the grace of god go I …
I know longer blame anyone for my or my daughters addiction and the relentless horror it has brought into my life …
Addiction ripped the little family I had apart so at 65 I sit alone but I am at peace … the people on here are the salt of the earth many times they have lifted me …when I didn’t want to be in this world anymore the emotional pain is excruciating I wandered the streets at night crying in the rain for 4 months … but you know I got through that insidious time and I am stronger … I have had so many godincedese’s I know I am not alone … I have come to realise that I am responsible for my own actions no one else’s … as my gran used to say everyone has a cross to bare and this is mine …
I will continue on the road to happy destiny and keep my side of the street clean it’s not our fault…
Bless you in famanon fellowship
Lesleerose