Hiya everyone I'm new here. Don't really know where to start to be honest. My partner is an alcoholic and recently stopped drinking for 8 weeks until yesterday. I went out for a couple of hours and when I got home he was clearly drunk. This resulted in me leaving for the night and went to a family home and him going out and getting drunk to the point of oblivion and ringing me asking how to get home.
Before this, I really thought he had cracked it and was so shocked by this relapse. He doesn't think he is an alcoholic as he doesn't get Withdrawal effects however I know once he starts he can't stop and will carry on until he passes out. Be always starts an argument, last one being serious enough for my adult son to call the police as he felt really threatened. I thought this had shocked him into giving up as he seemed serious, stopping for 8 weeks and even going to AA. Then yesterday happened...now I know he hasn't changed and he has said he can handle it now but I can't cope with this again. I'm not sure I want to be with the alcoholic in him and he has nowhere else to go so I feel responsible for him....just looking for some advice really cos I'm heartbroken I love him so much
Help needed
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lesleerose
- Posts: 1294
- Joined: Tue May 05, 2020 5:38 pm
Re: Help needed
Hi Kerant
Firstly welcome to famanon big hugs we are all on here for the same reason as you being at different stages …
At the moment your husband is in active addiction and in denial … you said the HUGE difference between the alcoholic and the heavy drinker is when the alcoholic lifts the first drink they cannot stop therefore the answer to the alcoholics dilemma is how not to lift that fatal first drink … The answer ( for me )lies in the 12 step program in Alcoholics Anonymous… Narcotics Anonymous or CA they all carry the 12 step program of recovery… I am in recovery I go to Alcoholics Anonymous and it has worked for me … I am free .. I come on here for my daughter who is an addict for a very long time now unfortunately she is still using … you see the only person that can help your husband is your husband …in my experience it’s 90 meetings in 90 days … if your husband doesn’t like what he sees after that they will refund his misery in full …
But this beautiful Fam-Anon fellowship is for you because we become very unwell with the addicts alcoholics behaviour….
Can you get to some Fam-Anon Al-Anon meetings there is also zoom meetings online ..
there is a terrific book by melody Beattie “ co dependant no more “ this is for you …Admin on here are exactly the same as us they have a lived one suffering from addiction…… Kerant you must educate yourself on the problem because if you don’t know the problem you won’t know the answer ..
Admin give of themselves freely beautiful ppl if you give them a call they will send some literature to you… this has been my experience…
Please keep posting you are no longer alone
Lesleerose
Firstly welcome to famanon big hugs we are all on here for the same reason as you being at different stages …
At the moment your husband is in active addiction and in denial … you said the HUGE difference between the alcoholic and the heavy drinker is when the alcoholic lifts the first drink they cannot stop therefore the answer to the alcoholics dilemma is how not to lift that fatal first drink … The answer ( for me )lies in the 12 step program in Alcoholics Anonymous… Narcotics Anonymous or CA they all carry the 12 step program of recovery… I am in recovery I go to Alcoholics Anonymous and it has worked for me … I am free .. I come on here for my daughter who is an addict for a very long time now unfortunately she is still using … you see the only person that can help your husband is your husband …in my experience it’s 90 meetings in 90 days … if your husband doesn’t like what he sees after that they will refund his misery in full …
But this beautiful Fam-Anon fellowship is for you because we become very unwell with the addicts alcoholics behaviour….
Can you get to some Fam-Anon Al-Anon meetings there is also zoom meetings online ..
there is a terrific book by melody Beattie “ co dependant no more “ this is for you …Admin on here are exactly the same as us they have a lived one suffering from addiction…… Kerant you must educate yourself on the problem because if you don’t know the problem you won’t know the answer ..
Admin give of themselves freely beautiful ppl if you give them a call they will send some literature to you… this has been my experience…
Please keep posting you are no longer alone
Lesleerose
Re: Help needed
Thanks for your reply Leslee
Yep, I can't help him anymore and he has to help himself...I know I'll have to set boundaries or he's just going to carry on the way he is...he is such a lovely, sober person and unfortunately such an argumentative person with drink so I know things can't carry on..I wish I didn't love him so much
I will have a look at the book you recommend, any help and advice is welcome x
Thank you again
Yep, I can't help him anymore and he has to help himself...I know I'll have to set boundaries or he's just going to carry on the way he is...he is such a lovely, sober person and unfortunately such an argumentative person with drink so I know things can't carry on..I wish I didn't love him so much
I will have a look at the book you recommend, any help and advice is welcome x
Thank you again
Re: Help needed
Karat, a big welcome. I'm not able, at the moment, because of health reasons, to make a lengthy response to what you have written, but I do feel your pain and your anguish.
It's up to the addict, and I suppose, looking on the bright side, once your husband realises that he has had a lapse, and no, after eight weeks sobriety he can't control his drinking, he might get the AA message for good, but he might not.
We are here to help and support you, and I guarantee that if you stay on this forum with the rest of us, you will be strengthened, and you will begin to see yourself as a priority. Please, therefore, stay. P.
It's up to the addict, and I suppose, looking on the bright side, once your husband realises that he has had a lapse, and no, after eight weeks sobriety he can't control his drinking, he might get the AA message for good, but he might not.
We are here to help and support you, and I guarantee that if you stay on this forum with the rest of us, you will be strengthened, and you will begin to see yourself as a priority. Please, therefore, stay. P.